I
have one firm belief and that is- life always comes full circle. What you do to
others will eventually happen to you in some form or other, if you wait long
enough to change your ways. At least this is what I have personally
experienced. I often feel a strange sense of guilt in complaining about the
present state of my personal life. Though I know I by no means deserve this hell
but I do question the basis of making complaints. I am no saint when it comes
to my past. I have had way too many flings and back then it was convenient for
me. Now it isn’t anymore and thus I feel like a victim when I get treated the
same way now.
I have known many women who have loved me like crazy, stood by my
erratic behavior and gone to absurd lengths to please me. I have also known women
who have wanted to spend the rest of their life with me despite all my
failings. But I rejected all of them for some reason or the other, I even went
on to the length of hurting some of them just so that they would just let me be.
But today I regret it all. And this regret sadly came only when I was treated
no better by the woman I finally decided to fall in love with.
I
ended up loving someone who turned tables on me. She was exactly the kind of woman
I always wanted to be with but I had to pay the price for it every day of being
with her. In the beginning I saw her as a monster but slowly I started
realizing that she is exactly the kind of person I was in my previous
relationships. Everything she did to me was done by me to someone else at one
point. The irony of it all is that I fell for someone who I was before I met
her.
Sometimes I wonder whether I would have ever realized my mistakes if I
hadn’t met her? What if she was as nice as others in my life would I have ever
loved her back? Nonetheless in my case I have come to realize that I am the
reason for what I am. All of my mistakes led me to be with this one woman I so
desperately wanted to be with but could not. I left everyone who considered me
to be perfect, to be with this one woman but only to realize how imperfect I am
for her or her for me.
